


you'll never sink when you are with me

by glitterseas



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, also yeah this is literally 600+ words about fjord's voice, don't @ me i'm very much aware of what i did, hey it's me back again with all those specific natural & organic similes, spoilers for ep25 onward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 15:01:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15512409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterseas/pseuds/glitterseas
Summary: Caleb comes to rely on hearing Fjord's voice, be it in the midst of another fight or when they all  try to figure out their next step. It worries him, sometimes, how it's become second nature for him to just tune out everything but Fjord's voice whenever the familiar sense of dread floods his thoughts. It's one thing to get attached to the group, and completely another to get attached to one person specifically.





	you'll never sink when you are with me

**Author's Note:**

> written for [getyourwordsout](https://getyourwordsout.dreamwidth.org/) yahtzee challenge, prompt: synesthesia.
> 
> title taken from _dead sea_ by the lumineers.

When Caleb was a child he used to play a little game and he's still clinging to it decades later when his life has gone to shit in ways his 7-year-old self could have never imagined. It's a good way to ground his thoughts and distract himself from anxiety for a bit, though, so he doesn't give himself too much shit for that one indulgence.

He's weary and still slightly jittery from the previous day, desperate for something that could postpone his worrying, when he first spots Fjord in the Nestled Nook Inn. He notices his handsome face almost absently as he asks himself, _What does this man sound like?_ He feels calmer just by posing himself the question. _He will sound green_ , he thinks, _forest green like his skin_. Caleb's been doing such guesses for a long time, he's rarely proven wrong. But Fjord, when he speaks up, sounds like the night sky in summer, velvet blue and dotted with stars. Caleb listens, trying to make sense of that, but the sky of Fjord's voice shifts, some constellations disappear, others morph into new shapes. Only when Jester thrusts her hand in his direction does Caleb realise that for a moment there he felt calm.

 

He comes to rely on hearing Fjord's voice, be it in the midst of another fight or when they all try to figure out their next step. It worries him, sometimes, how it's become second nature for him to just tune out everything but Fjord's voice whenever the familiar sense of dread floods his thoughts. It's one thing to get attached to the group, and completely another to get attached to one person specifically. He doesn't try to break the habit, though. On the contrary, he studies Fjord's voice the way some mystics might study the sky: how it changes, what hues and tints it assumes depending on who Fjord's talking to, how the stars align themselves. Caleb knows most of it is imagined, a silly way to coddle his overactive mind. And yet he can't help but think of dusk, the sky ultramarine and indigo, whenever Fjord addresses him. Sometimes Fjord looks at him like he can read Caleb's thoughts.

 

On one of their stops to Hupperdook they both take the last watch. It's a quiet night and they're sitting close enough that Caleb can feel the warmth radiating off Fjord's body. He reads most of the night, but when the first rays of sunlight peek over the horizon, he lets his eyes stray over to Fjord's beautiful face.

He only remembers that he's staring when Fjord murmurs his name, his face only a few inches away. And Caleb... Caleb almost forgets himself, almost tells Fjord something silly like, _you sound like the sky on the first warm spring day,_ which can't be that silly, because he _does_ , but before he even gets to open his mouth, Fjord is kissing him. It's a soft press of lips to lips, Fjord's hand caressing Caleb's cheek. It doesn't even matter the kiss is over in an instant because many more follow.

  
That morning on their way to Shady Creek Run as Caleb shouts the names of their missing friends along with Beau, Nott, and Molly, the silence where Fjord's voice should answer makes Caleb feel like he's been sealed in a vacuum. He tells himself it won't last long, but days pass and the price they have to pay keeps rising, and when he tries to imagine a sky, any sky, a sky that's nicer than the one over Shady Creek Run, it turns dark and cold, and empty. He tries to play his game again with the new people, thinks _a shadowy part of the forest_ for Nila and _an old oak_ for Caduceus, but it's not the same. He thinks, _if there are any gods still listening, please let us find them sound, please just once let me tell him what he means to me._

**Author's Note:**

> if you want to yell at me about artistic differences or anything else, i'm [glitterforests](http://glitterforests.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.


End file.
